One wants to rule from the West Wing, the other wants to get busy in the Lincoln Bedroom. Whether leading the pack or sitting atop the latest poll, this party animal comes alive with political grease. So be prepared to stuff the ballot box, because only one winner gets the inaugural ball.

Tell us what sexually ambiguous attributes we missed in the comment section.

1) SCULPTED HAIR: One rival pays $400 for his head, but that's a small price for looking good on the stump.

2) EXUBERANT EXPRESSION: She's thrilled to come after she's had enough Bush.

3) COLLARED SHIRT: Always requests it extra-stiff.

4) PEARL NECKLACE: The lever-pulling public needs to be comfortable with your family jewels.

5) PANTSUIT: To grab them by the balls, you have to get into their pants

6) SENSIBLE SHOES: Slips into leather to chase the swing voters.

Photograph by Brooke Nipar.