Go Ahead, Let Yourself Go
How eating pizza, wearing sweatpants, and looking like hell can be liberating.
-By Pete Wells
-Photograph by Lisa Kereszi
What is so wrong with getting soft and sloppy? Whether your New Year's resolution was more time on the treadmill or more Twinkies, you can share your take in the comment section.
Photograph by Lisa Kereszi
The first time I got fat, I was 26. As often happens, it started with a girl, or, to be more accurate, it started with a girl who went away. I stopped sleeping. When I paid attention to people other than myself, which was almost never, I noticed that my friends were finding me hard to take. Only one thing in the world could temporarily drain the swamp of my self-pity: Cinnabon rolls. A franchise had opened near my office, and each morning I swung by for my fix of Indonesian cinnamon, margarine, sweet dough, and cream-cheese frosting. All my life I'd been able to eat whatever I wanted without showing it, but under a relentless assault of 730 calories and 24 grams of fat each day before I'd even had lunch, my metabolism buckled. Soon I was fastening my belt in a new hole. And then my trousers wouldn't button. None of these flashing lights penetrated the thick fog of my misery until the day I looked into a full-length mirror and saw John Goodman's ass.
At this point, if you're a guy who's been skinny since he started chewing animal crackers, you get scared. And I did. I decided on a program of reform that involved returning to the gym, steaming broccoli and fish, and canceling my standing appointment with the cinnamon-scented cannonball. And then I thought: Fuck it.
Moping around with a broken heart is a teenager's game. After a while, without noticing when the change began, I wasn't lovesick anymore. I was simply engaged in something that, if you do it correctly, can be an adult rite of passage. I was letting myself go. The phrase makes you think of a gut cantilevered out over the pelvis like an impending avalanche, of chins arrayed in receding waves of flesh, of overworked shirt buttons that cry out in pain until one day they whiz off into the ozone. But slipping into the fat suit is just the most obvious component of a bigger project. When a man decides to let himself go, you see five o'clock shadow that was formed at five o'clock the previous Thursday. You see hair that curls down the nape of the neck like the tendrils of a spider plant. You see yellowed T-shirts, sweatpants as street wear, and shoes that would horrify a German tourist. You see Elvis at Graceland, Jim Morrison in Paris, Hemingway in the Keys.
Or, these days, you see Jack Nicholson eating a giant sub and smoking a cigarette on the deck of a yacht, saggy pooch-tits and voluminous gut festooned with wispy gray clouds of hair. Or Luke Wilson on the beach, his belly hanging shamelessly over his board shorts. The tabloids offer up these photos for public mockery, but I have the opposite reaction: I say, Right on.
When Arnold Schwarzenegger began letting his chiseled body go to pot a couple of years ago, the media poked fun at him, too. The man spent the first two thirds of his life tending his figure as obsessively as any Park Avenue trophy wife does. Don't you think he ever woke up and said, "Let Van Damme torture himself with the free weights—I want an extra helping of strudel"?
Letting yourself go is not exclusively a male pursuit, of course. It's just that men can get away with it. Last year, Tyra Banks publicly defended herself after photos of her in a swimsuit looking less than svelte were published in the tabloids. Jennifer Love Hewitt was on the cover of People magazine in December next to the headline stop calling me fat! after gossip blogs published photos of her in a bikini with captions like i know what you ate last summer. She's a size 2. This happens because we still secretly believe that a woman's job is to look good. Added girth on a man can be a marker of success, and a way of dealing with the stress that comes with it. You make it through another day in which you somehow manage to close another deal or file another brief. You stare blankly at bumper stickers on the freeway, or wedge yourself into the subway as the conductor squawks "STAND CLEAR DA CLOSING DAWS!" At last, you're home. What's next—a five-mile jog and a dinner of arugula and Evian?
Like hell. First you'll rinse the grime of the commute from your mouth with a bottle or two of pilsner. You'll inhale chips by the handful. With your hanger steak and your wedge of gooey French cheese, you'll pour the Rioja the wine-shop guy recommended. Before you collapse on your mattress with a sound like a thousand-year-old sequoia hitting the forest floor, you'll almost certainly want a big slosh of bourbon, as is your right.
The only hitch is sex. Letting yourself go and getting laid tend to be mutually exclusive, unless your name is Harvey Weinstein. The only men who can afford to walk the streets in sweatpants are those who have de-cided that new sexual conquests are not at the top of their to-do lists. Paul Kahan, chef of the Chicago restaurant Blackbird, sees a connection between his domestic happiness and his habit of cutting his own hair in the mirror. "Sometimes it comes out like a mullet," he says, "sometimes like a Roman helmet. But I've been in a monogamous relationship for 20 years. Who have I got to impress?"
Besides, taking yourself out of circulation for a time frees your mind to focus on other things. When my Year of the Cinnabon finally ended, I wasn't just bigger. I was better. A good farmer leaves a portion of his land unplanted each year so the soil will be richer the next. Letting yourself go can have the same effect on your soul, but you have to know when to stop. In the words of no less an expert on indulgence than Mick Jagger, "It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back."
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Whoa, what the hell? This article doesn't read like it has misogynistic intent, but somewhere in there you need to defend a woman's right to let herself go, too. Women also work, long, hard days, and in many cases are also expected to be the ones preparing that hanger steak WHILE getting the kids' mac n cheese ready. If dudes have a right to bourbon before bed, I think chicks who have to bathe and put down the kids too deserve a double. Just saying. You kind of hinted at the double standard, but ended up just sort of passively accepting it, while continuing to crusade for men's "right" to neglect their health.
sassymoniker
Jan 22, 2008 12:42:34 PM
It's easier for men because they are still attractive to women as long as they are charming, smart, funny or (especially) have lots of money.
A woman (PhD) I know once told me Donald Trump was "hot". I said "Are you friggin kidding me? Just *look* at him!". She replied "But he's rich!" (See also Jack Nicholson, Michael Douglas, etc. etc.)
Men couldn't care less: we just want them young and thin. We'd rather have sex with an unemployed brain-dead model than a brilliant, wealthy woman who happens to be fat.
The world of golf is a good illustration: many pro male golfers are obese, and they almost all have gorgeous wives (and mistresses) anyway, because they're loaded.
Female pros are also extremely wealthy, but the fat ones can only attract similarly schlubby men.
In fact, surveys show that most straight men would rather have sex with a beautiful transsexual than with a fat woman.
The good news is that women can let everything elso go, as long as you stay thin.
Men, on the other hand, need to cultivate nearly every other part of ourselves to be attractive. It's only fair that we can let at least ONE thing go!
bellingman
Jan 23, 2008 1:54:01 PM
Sorry to take the wind out of those sails, guy, but here's a wake up call- Men CAN'T get away with it either. Fat men are revolting. They tend to smell bad. Their dicks are three inches shorter than guys who are fit. Looks do matter to women. So unless you have Donald Trump's money, put that smugness away because you're living in a fools paradise.
Old, fat, unkempt men should enjoy themselves if they like. But don't go around pretending it doesn't matter to women. Women not only want young, smooth, hot dudes - they also want men who are looking for some personality and humanity in exchange. In other words, boorish pigs are out of luck.
MYHANH
Jan 23, 2008 2:43:22 PM
"Unless you have Trump's money".
My point exactly.
bellingman
Jan 23, 2008 3:17:01 PM
So your comment was relevant to about 100 ugly old fat men in all the world. What is that? About a billionth of percent?
OK, some women will grit their teeth for a pile of fug, and maybe the older the better, so the pay off will come sooner. But the rest of you losers need to get to the gym. And start treating women like people, not receptacles. That double standard you're counting on only exists in your head.
MYHANH
Jan 23, 2008 3:22:23 PM
And who said anything about "boorishness"? On the contrary, I stated that men need smarts, charm, and humor.
The fact remains that physical appearance isn't as important for male attractiveness as it is for women. Period.
If you have a valid criticism of my point, please make it. But actually read it first so you know what the hell you're talking about.
bellingman
Jan 23, 2008 3:22:48 PM
Physical attractiveness is less important in men than in women? Says who? The ugly fat man who thinks women should still be at his disposal?
I grant you most women are more humane and many will give a dumpy guy a chance if he's got a great personality, whereas according to you ALL men are boorish (look it up) pigs who value women primarily on the basis of their boobs and vaginas. I don't agree with you, but your point seems to be that men are basically worthless to women, since all they have to offer are judgment and insult. While retaining the self-granted right to look like piles of steaming shit if they so choose. Since women don't really care about that.
Stop generalizing, fool. I'm only insulting you because I know you're wrong, that the world has plenty of soulfull, real people with penises in it. Just save us from the smelly fugs who think they're in some position to pick and choose women like side dishes. What's that you're ordering? A hot blonde with lots of charm. And she has to find your pig tits and disappearing dick really hot as well.
Get over yourself.
MYHANH
Jan 23, 2008 4:55:10 PM
I agree that personality is more of a factor in male attractiveness, but a woman will always initially give your more time in the day to show your persoanlity if you look good (well groomed, dress well, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF). This is my experience anyway. If you're gonna let yourself go, you'd have to up your personality factor a few points.
StrikingSmith
Jan 23, 2008 6:09:20 PM
It is rude, childish, and desperate to attack me rather than the veracity of my statements. I suggest you confine your bitter diatribes to the argument at hand rather than ad hominem attacks.
Everything I said is factually correct and speaks for itself. The fact that you think it's not fair, wish it were otherwise, or can find exceptions to the stated generalities is beside the point.
bellingman
Jan 23, 2008 6:22:01 PM
I would like to point out that most of the things MYHANH criticized me for are present neither in my statement above, nor in my actual beliefs. They are almost entirely exaggerations, extrapolations, unwarranted assumptions, or non-sequitors.
I did not mean anything beyond what I actually wrote. The person you are railing against so angrily doesn't even exist, except in your own mind.
You seem to assume the worst of people, especially men. I won't speculate as to why, but any psychologist reading your postings would have a field day.
bellingman
Jan 23, 2008 8:26:48 PM
Well, as my old buddy Franco used to say, if you want love, get a dog. If you want sex get a hooker. Both ways it's cheaper and better. Gotta love that fat old guy.
sgtrock
Jan 24, 2008 4:58:52 PM
women care about the physical appearance of their partners just as much as men do, (especially the younger, more shallow generation where looking good is one of, if not the most important thing). However, that's not to say personality doesn't matter either. In a short, generalization;
if you're hot and stupid/a horrible person, the same girl will sleep with you once or twice but it won't go further than that. If you're rich and old/ugly/obese you might get a girlfriend for a while but she's using you for the money and is probably sleeping with said hot/dumb man above or waiting for you to die. So, if all you want is sex, you can find some desperate board to sleep with just about anyone. That being said, if you want a true, lasting relationship, you might want to go to the gym regularly because despite what she might say, a good personality or money does not equal sexual attraction, it equals benefits.
samurai_earl12531
Jan 30, 2008 2:03:59 PM
Right on, brother. In 1991 I was modeling men's swimwear, and in 1999 I let myself go...and go and go and go. Belly. Love handles. Tits. Chubby face. It was like I had vanished off the face of the planet as far as my own hotness to women was concerned. But a funny thing happened---I said "Fuck it, this is me" and I let my belly fly free. Very humbling to have to give up the hot bod, but I discovered my fucking BRAIN. And it got me further than a 30-inch waist ever did.
I've since lost most of the weight, but it was a lesson in humility.
In the end, who the fuck cares what the world thinks? Not only that, some women actually LIKED my new Buddha belly. Cool.
Stinko
Feb 3, 2008 9:32:15 AM