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She has emotional baggage, a Xanax habit, and daddy issues. But, no matter how many times you've been burned, you're powerless against a hot crazy girl. PLUS: Have you ever dated a Crazy Girl and are still alive to tell all? Share your horror stories in the comment section below.

-By Ian Daly
-Photograph by Peter Rad

For Lawrence, 35, a real-estate investor from New Jersey, it was Hannah. Hannah (her name has been changed) was a publicist in New York City—tall, model-thin, with a bad eBay habit when it came to mod vintage dresses and a near-fanatic obsession with Friedrich Nietzsche and Britney Spears, in equal parts. She was stunning and brilliant.

She also had a dark side.

Hannah was paranoid—convinced that strangers were plotting her demise—and a chronic liar obsessed with men in positions of authority. She was also prone to random fits of crying. Lawrence remembers pulling into the parking lot of a CVS to buy a toothbrush one day. He returned to find her in his car with the radio set to maximum volume, blasting My Chemical Romance and sobbing in great, heaving spasms for no particular reason. None of this made Lawrence think that he should be investigating easier romantic prospects. On the contrary, he was hooked.

"It was the sort of thing where you see this wounded bird and you just want to constantly repair it," Lawrence says. "You never knew when she was going to cry and when she was going to perceive somebody to be after her. It was like the Stockholm syndrome—you become sympathetic toward your captor instead of realizing Oh my God—I'm a hostage!'"

You've dated a woman like this. In all likelihood, your friends sounded alarms that you willfully ignored. Your parents pleaded with you. Looking back, you realize that even you knew it could only end badly. She's the Crazy Girl—the one who made everyone wonder about your sanity and fear for your future. She may have taken the form of the smoky-eyed goth brooder, the tortured heiress, or the unhinged sorority girl. Whatever her identity, chances are she was intoxicatingly sexy, intense, unstable, mercurial, and impossible to be at ease around in social settings. She was completely and debilitatingly exhausting. So why the hell was she so compelling? And why are you still thinking about her?

"I think whenever you're taken by someone, be it male or female, who has the potential to lose themselves or to transform in front of you, there's something very attractive to that," says actress Parker Posey, who's played her share of Crazy Girls onscreen (Nora Wilder in Broken English, "Jackie-O" Pascal in The House of Yes, and the title role in Fay Grim, to name a few). "It has the ability to transform you. Because someone has just thrown the marbles on the floor and you don't know when they're going to do it again. It's not a relationship based on trust."

Of course it isn't about trust. This is about lawlessness. Chaos. Escapism and unpredictability—a balls-out, soul-affirming what's-nextness that is so rare and so powerful that you completely forget to give a shit about consequences and personal sacrifices. That kind of relationship has the potential, as Posey says, "to take you down roads." And whether you're the kind of guy who drives a Prius or the kind who drives a chopped-out vintage Harley, at some point, you can't help taking that ride.

"I think a lot of guys, if you've dated a bit, have the benchmarks," says Adam Fulrath, 36, an art director in New York. Fulrath's came in the form of a savant-smart, busty blonde named Sharon. Sharon painted abstract watercolors of flowers, played guitar, drank with the liver-macerating zeal of Tom Waits, and liked to drag Fulrath on spur-of-the-moment road trips to sleazy motels—and bring a camera. But her control over her tidal emotions was tenuous at best. When Fulrath finally decided he'd had enough, Sharon decided she'd get him back by showing up at his apartment in only her underwear. But it was cold, so she slipped a pair of lace-trimmed aqua panties on over her jeans, and proceeded to walk the mile from her apartment to his doorstep. Fulrath was mortified.

He immediately took her back.

"We all like danger and spontaneity," Fulrath says, eight years later. "In this attention-deficit world, where you're constantly looking around, she would keep me on the ball—she would challenge me. I was never bored with her."

Let's be honest with ourselves about what's going on here: It's an undeniable fact that if Sharon hadn't borne such an uncanny resemblance to Jenny McCarthy, as Fulrath claims she did, she would not have had the same currency to expend on her eccentricities. This phenomenon only serves to emphasize that point: Would Zach Braff's character in Garden State have sat through an elaborate hamster funeral if his hostess didn't look like Natalie Portman?

But there's a certain gloss on these big-screen depictions that leaves out a key component of the Crazy Girl appeal: The closer to the edge she skates, the more enchanting she becomes. There is a gulf of difference between the quirky (She wears a helmet! She likes the Shins!) and the mad (Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. She's cutting herself again.)—a place inhabited by self-damaging ticking time bombs like Amy Winehouse. This is a dangerous place. It's in these rocky outcroppings that we find ourselves contemplating what it might be like to crash at a roadside motel with Lisa Marie Nowak, the diapered astronaut charged with attempted kidnapping. For your average repressed, career-driven shlub, the terra incognita that these women represent seems vaguely—liberating.

"I think underlying it all is sex," says David Rabe, playwright and author of Hurlyburly. "The sexual state seems more present, more up-close in that type of woman. There's something in that disheveled personality that says they're going to make that state more available somehow—deeper and more intense.

Long after Lawrence has shaken Hannah's spell, and his mom has confessed her secret fear that his muse would have one day "suffocated the children" had they ever gone down that road, he still can't stop thinking about her.

"[All the girls] I've met since her, in some way or another, have been the most spectacular girls on earth," Lawrence says. "Before I met Hannah, I would have died for any one of them. I met this girl who was a commentator on cable news—super-brilliant, very cute. We got into this relationship, and I all of a sudden found myself thinking, Why isn't she doing it? Why isn't she enough for me? I mean, this girl is successful, makes hundreds of thousands of dollars, travels all over the world, has half the U.S. Senate in her Rolodex, and that's not enough. Because she's not crazy."

Click here for our Crazy Girl Hall of Fame Slideshow

Comments

definitely agree w/ this article. sometimes i've thought of acting a littler crazier b/c guys are totally into it....then i realize the type of guy i'll end up with: an insecure man that needs validation by being able to take care of the crazy girl.

dirtylola
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Crazy gets all the play....
http://tallulahbankhead.wordpress.com/2008/03/14/crazy-gets-all-the-play/

Tallulah_08
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this article answered all my questions!! Its girls like these that are giving us all a bad rep!

dawnpets
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Long live crazy girls!!

pwedza
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A was a brilliant photo editor. With a little drinking problem. One day, she got locked out of her apt. From the street (in those days it was payphones) she called me from downstairs. Plastered, she implored me to let her in. Stupidly, I agreed. When she got up to my pad, she was practically unable to walk. She asked for a cup of water. I gave her one. Then another. And another. Each time, she insisted on using another glass until my entire sink, then kitchen table were filled with dirty glasses. On came the stories: how her sister had screwed her last boyfriend, how they had all fought--and fucked--oh but this was years ago--etc.

There was a kind of fun in this, but as the glasses began to pile up, the hour grew later, and the stories got crazier, I saw I that A had already filled her purpose in my life. She had to go.

She refused. She began taking off her clothes. I put them in a bag and told her to put on her coat. Finally, naked but for the coat--it was November and cold--she left, bitterly screaming that I hadn't seen the last of her and that I would be sorry: That I didn't know what she would--or could do.

I felt a strong sense of relief when she left, but also the feeling that she had stolen something from my apt, but I couldn't find anything missing. It was just a feeling. I had a whiskey to calm down, and then went to bed.

At 3 that morning, I was awakened by a loud knocking at my door. POLICE, ANYBODY HOME?! WAKE UP! I cracked my tenement door to see two cops standing outside, quite intent on questioning me.

It's no emergency, said cop 1. Cop 2: We're just here to talk to you about a deceased.

A: I thought. I've killed her. I opened the door, the blood draining from my face. I thought I would faint. But my 86 year old neighbor had just died, and the cops wanted to know where her husband was.

strongorbit
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Well, I think you need to have a very shiny car and it will do the trick...Nothing works better than microfiber towels.
The best supplies are to be found at:
http://www.eurowcorp.com/

pbonnefoi
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I have had my share of these crazy women and they can be deeply intoxicating;and like Ms.Posey said it will lead you down a certain road:one that let's you know that you just can "fix" certain people,things,and situations and you're richer for that knowledge.As quoted by another submitted comment,you would just be another insecure person trying-and failing absymally-to fix something only time and introspection can heal.

Wearright42
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The girls I loved the most all had a bit of this in them. One was a brilliantly smart alchoholic with wonderfully large breasts and an Irish temper, the other was a extremely self-obsessed actress - all other women seem dull after them.

FOARP
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The "wanting to heal" bit of the article is right on the money I think. Just like the girl "bad boy complex" we really can't help but feel that perhaps we can help... and find ourselves dragged down for the ride. Thinking back-- I wonder if I've ever dated a non-crazy girl

phact0rri
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Crazy Girls are never boring, the sex is like no other, they are addicting. You always want to rescue them. You lose yourself in them. It's hard to move on to normal girls. Mine was so beautiful & fun, they will move on and you will want another.

Leota777
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In college, back in the mid-1970's, I dated a girl I'll call Katy. I dumped a woman I had been dating and started with Katy, who was one of her sorority sisters. Katy was the closest thing to a nymphomaniac I have ever met. She partied hard all weekend, booze, pills, weed, and wanted sex all the time. I can remember driving through the Pennsylvania mountains once while she gave me a blow job, nearly driving off the road!

I went away to graduate school but kept up correspondance and phone calls. I was in love with this woman and was prepared to marry her. I came home early one Christmas break, bought a ring, and wanted to visit her on campus before she went home on break. She told me she had a date that night. And the next night, too. How about coming over Sunday afternoon. I'm thinking, this is bad. It was. I sat and cried on a bench in the quad for a half hour. Later, friends told me how she had dated the whole time I was gone, yet kept me strung along.

I haven't seen or heard from her since and I'm glad - I can't imagine how my life would have turned out married to that crazy girl! The woman I married truly loves me; I've never had to worry for a moment about her fidelity. AND, whenever I think about some of the kinky experiences with Katy, I go find my wife, give her a big kiss and thank her for being who she is.

Daddy_Dave
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Ok this article just spoke right to my heart and very last relationship. It was a year ago I last saw her, but when I see a girl that looks like her or I see a car that could be hers I get a rush of adrienaliene because I'm afraid her. I understand the wounded bird theory. It was her hurt mentality that pulled me in along with many other physical things. This turned out to be a relationship that almost cost me my freedom. I made the worst mistake by moving in with her becaue I didn't want to see her move back home where she really didn't want to be. 2nd week with her and she broke all of my 13 eagle sculptures and the last one that didn't break she thrashed against the side of her face...yeah I jumped to stop her, but then I ran outside and called the cops. They went in the apartment then came down and arrested me...for cutting her wrists and beating her face. I very wary these days. Nothing against you out going girls. You are all awsome. With Love. Peace.

oldnjl
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My initiation was with Debbie: a Deborah Harry lookalike that was by turn, sweet and absolutely vicious. She dragged my innocent youthful soul through creepy nightclubs, liquor drenched screaming matches and loads of kinky sex. Eventually I was cured (when she dumped me for a rock star) and I remain cured to this day. I just don't have the strength to be repeat crazy-girl offender.

rcguy
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Crazy Girl (CG) and I met during a college job. We had some great times, but some really bad times too. The strange thing is that her friends all thought I was the one bringing her down, when in fact they were just enabling her behavior. Needless to say, I was not on their Christmas card lists. For all our great times, we never took the big step.

After quitting the job, we eventually had a falling out and didn't talk for years. Then one day the phone rang, it was CG. She looked me up in the phone book and called me out of the blue. She had gotten married after one of her boyfriend's got her pregnant. As always life for her sucked. Loveless marriage, friends that seem to use her as a babysitter, family issues (including daddy ones).
We talked off and on for a few years. She eventually told me that she was sleeping w/ another man who was quite ... rough. Some might use another R word.

We continued to talk, things got close and eventually we slept together. While I felt bad for sleeping with another man's wife, it was CG, and 10 years built up to that moment. We continued to sleep together and I was able to get her to stop seeing the other guy, due to the fact that one time he pretty much did rape her. She never went to the cops, which sucked, but at least she finally stopped talking with the guy.

She was completely wrong for me. Yea, she's hot, but at the same time she is everything I DON'T want in a woman, low self esteem, takes what life gives her, no efforts to change her place in life. All of this even though she is really smart and can do so much more with her life. I don't know what it is about her. And on top of all this, she is married!

She's coming over in about 2 hours as well.

ronb
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She's has a dysfunctional family, is twice divorced, talks my ear off until my head spins and seems to go into a drama-overload experience on the phone with me daily. She's made it very clear that she hates when men break up with her, so I wait for the day when she'll break it off, not wanting to hurt her.

The flip side? She's an off-the-charts lover. She is not only spontaneous, but very energetic and demanding in bed. She loves to be ordered and talked dirty to, which only amps her up further. She has given me the best head I've ever had and loves doing it too. She once surprised me by giving me a magnificent blow job as we were driving on a highway with very little traffic. It actually made me drive safer, as I had to concentrate on driving so as not to burst. On the same trip she asked me to pull into a rest stop so she could use the ladie's room (she really didn't need to). When I turned off the engine, she instead climbed into the back seat of my SUV, where she hiked up her skirt and summoned me to to back seat so she could get on my lap and get me inside her. She also spontaneously awakens me at 3:00 am because she wants sex. In the morning I awaken to the feel her hand on me, and then her moist lips and tongue because she wants me again.

She is on one hand a lot to deal with, but on the other she's addictive.

grupetto
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These women are most likely rape survivors.

Wanting the boyfriends to hurt them, wanting rough sex, frequent sex, etc. it's an attempt to control the situation they were in before. They couldn't control it before and now they want to control it with you. My two cents. Tell one of these girls no to all that. Treat her sweet.

nomorecrazy
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I just had to write a long post about this at evavavoom.com because I have TWO boyfriends with whom I have the same activities that you guys seem to crave so much (the kinky sex, the fun threesomes and all that) yet I don't drive them nuts and we have never had 1 fight in 4 whole years!!! I have no patience for dumb guys who fall for crazy bitches who control them emotionally, financially and socially.

evavavoom
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If they're not survivors of rape then they are likely survivors of some other form of abuse: emotional, physical, or all of the above. The statistics of abused women are one in three. I find that number both astonishing and disgusting but the more women I date, the more I believe it. I have had serious relationships with two. I knew the last had an abusive past because while intoxicated and relaxed she would talk to me about the abuse. It was not long before I was head over heals in love with the girl and found myself dancing around searching for the right answer that wouldn't set her off for no apparent reason. I didn't realize I was doing this until I realized her 4 year old daughter wasn't the manipulative little brat I thought she was but she was merely probing for the best approach because you never knew what to expect. This is why you do not get bored. It is a game, a dance, a constant challenge and it is destructive for everyone involved because everyone eventually feels like they're trying to be controlled.

Our relationship would go back and forth from the greatest thing I have ever experienced to the worst in a matter of weeks. I finally broke down and started doing some research on-line and found some books that were a tremendous help. They hit the nail on the head describing not only her behavior in our relationship but mine as well. I learned much but most importantly that you can not fix them, you can only support them to the best of your ability and your attempts at trying to fix them only makes matters worse because you're enforcing their fear that something is wrong with them.

If you find that you are in a relationship similar to these described in the comments, or would like to avoid one, then I highly recommend picking up a few books on Border Line Personality Disorder and Dissociative Behavior Disorder. It will not only give you a better understanding of why these women act this way but also a respect for what they have endured and how they have managed to coup. As well as early indicators if you are dating.

Many of these women are beautiful, sexy, brilliant, and very functional in everyday life. They may seem like crazy manipulative bitches but they typically don't want anything more than everyone else, someone to love them.

Try to understand someone before you judge.

simplelife
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I would also look up Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Despite all the wars, twice as many women as men get it, from abuse. Most women I would say don't even realize they have it. It explains the triggers.

http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/videos/emv_hoperecovery_gpv.html

I should say women are twice as likely as men to get Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, not twice as many as men.

I thought that was me that other poster was talking about..."a brilliantly smart alchoholic with wonderfully large breasts and an Irish temper..." HAHAHA
It's true. Post traumatic stress disorder plays into this. In my case it was that, and having a loveless father/predator raising me. I will say this, however. If you find one you that makes YOU crazy, and you love her, the sex, her smile... then be patient with her. The magic words are: "Everything is going to be okay." And just keep repeating it every time she confronts you and demands that you tell her how you know that. My boyfriend did that for me. He was patient. Waited out the crazy....and we've been happily married seven years now(together for 8). The crazy takes about three years to totally go away, but the sex part stays. HAHAHA.

DPGirl
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@ DPGirl

Time to heal depends on the level of "crazy", whether or not they're ready to heal, and if they accept professional help.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

LauraO
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Yep, been there "Punk" GF with multi-coloured hair, wild! Straight girl with nose pierced turned out she liked dressing up in Catsuits and being spanked, she got upset when I laughed! Spanish blood who was so moody she once scraped my full-English breakfast into the bin, still dont know what I said wrong! Chinese girlfriend who destroyed my flat threw things at me, punched me in the face whilst I was driving at 80kmph! Mongolian girtlfriend with large beasts who wanted to be a porn star! I did my best to help! Indo. girl who swore she split with her Ex. it turned out he was living about 10 min.s away later I got a call on holiday to find she was inside with a 5 month sentence she was an illegal!another Cute little Indo. girl who turned out to like being fisted..one has to help! thought my hand wouldn't come out!...takes all sorts, the crazy ones are like magnets!

JonTheLad
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This article made quite an impression... this was my reaction:

READ ABOUT IT HERE

BeelzeBarb
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Why Can't You Resist This Woman?

Comments