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Why Can't You Resist This Woman?

She has emotional baggage, a Xanax habit, and daddy issues. But, no matter how many times you've been burned, you're powerless against a hot crazy girl. PLUS: Have you ever dated a Crazy Girl and are still alive to tell all? Share your horror stories in the comment section below.

-By Ian Daly
-Photograph by Peter Rad

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For Lawrence, 35, a real-estate investor from New Jersey, it was Hannah. Hannah (her name has been changed) was a publicist in New York City—tall, model-thin, with a bad eBay habit when it came to mod vintage dresses and a near-fanatic obsession with Friedrich Nietzsche and Britney Spears, in equal parts. She was stunning and brilliant.

She also had a dark side.

Hannah was paranoid—convinced that strangers were plotting her demise—and a chronic liar obsessed with men in positions of authority. She was also prone to random fits of crying. Lawrence remembers pulling into the parking lot of a CVS to buy a toothbrush one day. He returned to find her in his car with the radio set to maximum volume, blasting My Chemical Romance and sobbing in great, heaving spasms for no particular reason. None of this made Lawrence think that he should be investigating easier romantic prospects. On the contrary, he was hooked.

"It was the sort of thing where you see this wounded bird and you just want to constantly repair it," Lawrence says. "You never knew when she was going to cry and when she was going to perceive somebody to be after her. It was like the Stockholm syndrome—you become sympathetic toward your captor instead of realizing Oh my God—I'm a hostage!'"

You've dated a woman like this. In all likelihood, your friends sounded alarms that you willfully ignored. Your parents pleaded with you. Looking back, you realize that even you knew it could only end badly. She's the Crazy Girl—the one who made everyone wonder about your sanity and fear for your future. She may have taken the form of the smoky-eyed goth brooder, the tortured heiress, or the unhinged sorority girl. Whatever her identity, chances are she was intoxicatingly sexy, intense, unstable, mercurial, and impossible to be at ease around in social settings. She was completely and debilitatingly exhausting. So why the hell was she so compelling? And why are you still thinking about her?

"I think whenever you're taken by someone, be it male or female, who has the potential to lose themselves or to transform in front of you, there's something very attractive to that," says actress Parker Posey, who's played her share of Crazy Girls onscreen (Nora Wilder in Broken English, "Jackie-O" Pascal in The House of Yes, and the title role in Fay Grim, to name a few). "It has the ability to transform you. Because someone has just thrown the marbles on the floor and you don't know when they're going to do it again. It's not a relationship based on trust."

Of course it isn't about trust. This is about lawlessness. Chaos. Escapism and unpredictability—a balls-out, soul-affirming what's-nextness that is so rare and so powerful that you completely forget to give a shit about consequences and personal sacrifices. That kind of relationship has the potential, as Posey says, "to take you down roads." And whether you're the kind of guy who drives a Prius or the kind who drives a chopped-out vintage Harley, at some point, you can't help taking that ride.

"I think a lot of guys, if you've dated a bit, have the benchmarks," says Adam Fulrath, 36, an art director in New York. Fulrath's came in the form of a savant-smart, busty blonde named Sharon. Sharon painted abstract watercolors of flowers, played guitar, drank with the liver-macerating zeal of Tom Waits, and liked to drag Fulrath on spur-of-the-moment road trips to sleazy motels—and bring a camera. But her control over her tidal emotions was tenuous at best. When Fulrath finally decided he'd had enough, Sharon decided she'd get him back by showing up at his apartment in only her underwear. But it was cold, so she slipped a pair of lace-trimmed aqua panties on over her jeans, and proceeded to walk the mile from her apartment to his doorstep. Fulrath was mortified.

He immediately took her back.

"We all like danger and spontaneity," Fulrath says, eight years later. "In this attention-deficit world, where you're constantly looking around, she would keep me on the ball—she would challenge me. I was never bored with her."

Let's be honest with ourselves about what's going on here: It's an undeniable fact that if Sharon hadn't borne such an uncanny resemblance to Jenny McCarthy, as Fulrath claims she did, she would not have had the same currency to expend on her eccentricities. This phenomenon only serves to emphasize that point: Would Zach Braff's character in Garden State have sat through an elaborate hamster funeral if his hostess didn't look like Natalie Portman?

But there's a certain gloss on these big-screen depictions that leaves out a key component of the Crazy Girl appeal: The closer to the edge she skates, the more enchanting she becomes. There is a gulf of difference between the quirky (She wears a helmet! She likes the Shins!) and the mad (Oh, fuck, oh, fuck. She's cutting herself again.)—a place inhabited by self-damaging ticking time bombs like Amy Winehouse. This is a dangerous place. It's in these rocky outcroppings that we find ourselves contemplating what it might be like to crash at a roadside motel with Lisa Marie Nowak, the diapered astronaut charged with attempted kidnapping. For your average repressed, career-driven shlub, the terra incognita that these women represent seems vaguely—liberating.

"I think underlying it all is sex," says David Rabe, playwright and author of Hurlyburly. "The sexual state seems more present, more up-close in that type of woman. There's something in that disheveled personality that says they're going to make that state more available somehow—deeper and more intense.

Long after Lawrence has shaken Hannah's spell, and his mom has confessed her secret fear that his muse would have one day "suffocated the children" had they ever gone down that road, he still can't stop thinking about her.

"[All the girls] I've met since her, in some way or another, have been the most spectacular girls on earth," Lawrence says. "Before I met Hannah, I would have died for any one of them. I met this girl who was a commentator on cable news—super-brilliant, very cute. We got into this relationship, and I all of a sudden found myself thinking, Why isn't she doing it? Why isn't she enough for me? I mean, this girl is successful, makes hundreds of thousands of dollars, travels all over the world, has half the U.S. Senate in her Rolodex, and that's not enough. Because she's not crazy."

Click here for our Crazy Girl Hall of Fame Slideshow

Comments

definitely agree w/ this article. sometimes i've thought of acting a littler crazier b/c guys are totally into it....then i realize the type of guy i'll end up with: an insecure man that needs validation by being able to take care of the crazy girl.

this article answered all my questions!! Its girls like these that are giving us all a bad rep!

Long live crazy girls!!

A was a brilliant photo editor. With a little drinking problem. One day, she got locked out of her apt. From the street (in those days it was payphones) she called me from downstairs. Plastered, she implored me to let her in. Stupidly, I agreed. When she got up to my pad, she was practically unable to walk. She asked for a cup of water. I gave her one. Then another. And another. Each time, she insisted on using another glass until my entire sink, then kitchen table were filled with dirty glasses. On came the stories: how her sister had screwed her last boyfriend, how they had all fought--and fucked--oh but this was years ago--etc.

There was a kind of fun in this, but as the glasses began to pile up, the hour grew later, and the stories got crazier, I saw I that A had already filled her purpose in my life. She had to go.

She refused. She began taking off her clothes. I put them in a bag and told her to put on her coat. Finally, naked but for the coat--it was November and cold--she left, bitterly screaming that I hadn't seen the last of her and that I would be sorry: That I didn't know what she would--or could do.

I felt a strong sense of relief when she left, but also the feeling that she had stolen something from my apt, but I couldn't find anything missing. It was just a feeling. I had a whiskey to calm down, and then went to bed.

At 3 that morning, I was awakened by a loud knocking at my door. POLICE, ANYBODY HOME?! WAKE UP! I cracked my tenement door to see two cops standing outside, quite intent on questioning me.

It's no emergency, said cop 1. Cop 2: We're just here to talk to you about a deceased.

A: I thought. I've killed her. I opened the door, the blood draining from my face. I thought I would faint. But my 86 year old neighbor had just died, and the cops wanted to know where her husband was.

Well, I think you need to have a very shiny car and it will do the trick...Nothing works better than microfiber towels.
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I have had my share of these crazy women and they can be deeply intoxicating;and like Ms.Posey said it will lead you down a certain road:one that let's you know that you just can "fix" certain people,things,and situations and you're richer for that knowledge.As quoted by another submitted comment,you would just be another insecure person trying-and failing absymally-to fix something only time and introspection can heal.

The girls I loved the most all had a bit of this in them. One was a brilliantly smart alchoholic with wonderfully large breasts and an Irish temper, the other was a extremely self-obsessed actress - all other women seem dull after them.

The "wanting to heal" bit of the article is right on the money I think. Just like the girl "bad boy complex" we really can't help but feel that perhaps we can help... and find ourselves dragged down for the ride. Thinking back-- I wonder if I've ever dated a non-crazy girl

Crazy Girls are never boring, the sex is like no other, they are addicting. You always want to rescue them. You lose yourself in them. It's hard to move on to normal girls. Mine was so beautiful & fun, they will move on and you will want another.

In college, back in the mid-1970's, I dated a girl I'll call Katy. I dumped a woman I had been dating and started with Katy, who was one of her sorority sisters. Katy was the closest thing to a nymphomaniac I have ever met. She partied hard all weekend, booze, pills, weed, and wanted sex all the time. I can remember driving through the Pennsylvania mountains once while she gave me a blow job, nearly driving off the road!

I went away to graduate school but kept up correspondance and phone calls. I was in love with this woman and was prepared to marry her. I came home early one Christmas break, bought a ring, and wanted to visit her on campus before she went home on break. She told me she had a date that night. And the next night, too. How about coming over Sunday afternoon. I'm thinking, this is bad. It was. I sat and cried on a bench in the quad for a half hour. Later, friends told me how she had dated the whole time I was gone, yet kept me strung along.

I haven't seen or heard from her since and I'm glad - I can't imagine how my life would have turned out married to that crazy girl! The woman I married truly loves me; I've never had to worry for a moment about her fidelity. AND, whenever I think about some of the kinky experiences with Katy, I go find my wife, give her a big kiss and thank her for being who she is.

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