Nothing is wrong with this picture. Forget the issues—what this country needs is a hot first lady.

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Image: Associated Press

A crisis gnaws at the American soul—a trauma that's rarely spoken of, and that has nothing to do with any botched war or national epidemic of foreclosures.

The problem at hand—one that's been brought into stark relief by the media maelstrom surrounding the 2008 presidential candidates—is that it's been way too long since you wanted to screw the first lady.