Why are so many celebrity pairs passing notes and exchanging promise rings like they’re in homeroom?

-By Chris Norris

Sound off on postadolescent puppy-love relationships below.

Image credit: Clockwise from top left: Splash News (2), New York Daily News/WENN, Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News, WireImage, JFX images/WENN (2), Bauer-Griffin

"Fame is like being in high school," goes the old talk-show quip. Everyone knows everything about everyone—dating history, drug habits, eating disorders, D.U.I.'s. Life is a tangle of cliques, crushes, grudges, and snubs. In fact, while most high schools lack million-dollar rehab facilities and screaming paparazzi, the differences between the dramedy of senior year and the private lives of Hollywood's grown-ups—particularly the male student body—are getting harder to discern.

We aren't talking about Angie versus Jen or the on-off coupling of Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz but about a whole new level of callow romance. We're talking about promise rings (Matthew McConaughey and Camilla Alves) and matching tattoos (Rhys Ifans and Sienna Miller). We're talking about break-ups by text, starlet booty calls, PDAs in the parking lot, and the absurdly short-sighted life commitments that are usually made only in sophomore year (Britney + Kevin 4 Eva).

The women you date should behave—and look—like grown-ups, not characters from High School Musical.

-By Simon Dumenco
-Photograph by Greg Broom

Sound off on 30-year-old Hello Kitty addicts in the comment section—then click here to take our quiz to see if you're the real tweenager.

Photograph by Greg Broom

Recently, I found myself at a party in Manhattan, casting sidelong glances at a woman. Her look (baby-doll dress, kinderwhore lip gloss) and behavior (exclaiming "Oh my god, totally!" and text-ing obsessively) screamed tweenager. You know, that hybrid archetype—the one who worships at the altar of Hannah Montana and High School Musical. Everything about the woman telegraphed jailbait—except, that is, for the crow's feet, which suggested that this wannabe tween was pushing 35.