Courtesy of MuchMusic.com

'S'up, bitches?

Gaymer here with the news that'll make you want to go play with yourself. This week we're checking out those retro queen-ish stars Corey Feldman and Corey Haim's latest joint venture, Corey vs. Corey, a Mortal Kombat-esque online game promoting the second season of their buddy-loving A&E reality series, The Two Coreys. And yessss, this game is sprinkled (not "dusted") with homemade whips, simulated tweaking, and of course, a healthy dose of man-on-man action.

The setting for the game is C-list fabulous: poolside (in last year's board shorts—no Speedos, sorry) at a palatial mansion, on the set of Lost Boys 2, and on the red carpet for the second-season premiere of The Two Coreys. And the controls for each player are easy, even for those limp-wristed types who've never fingered a keyboard. Besides kicking and punching, those old foreplay standbys, Haim swings his makeshift whip ("The Dirty Sock Slap") at his costar, and Feldman all but begs for more. Feldman's only defense is the "Dreamt of Success Smackdown," a chemical that, much like Rohypnol, disarms Haim enough to really get rough with him. The game also includes allies like "Voodoodie," a "voodoo doppelganger" doll that either Corey can use to inflict pain on the other (gotta love dark magic) and unlockable moves, like a glorified fart called "The Stinker." We'd been hoping they had something a little more impressive in their pants.

Courtesy of A&E

For a free game, Corey vs. Corey is fairly entertaining, but it leaves something to be desired in terms of living out our teenage fantasies of spending a real hands-on hour with the Coreys. Those dreams didn't involve winning 25 battles to get to the light-bondage portion of a blissful evening, but this will tide us over until we find a sex tape of one—or better yet, both—of these Lost Boys.

Until next week . . .

XOXO,
Gaymer

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Joystick-grabber of the week: Here's hoping Alone in the Dark keeps the Ramble just as cruise-worthy as the real thing!

Queer character of the week: Tidus from Final Fantasy. Sorry, Yuna, he still loves you, just not that way.