Being Tired Is Not a Status Symbol
Some people think telling everyone how exhausted they are makes them seem important. But flaunting your fatigue only makes you insufferable.
-By Greg Williams
-Photograph by Jonathan Kambouris
There was a time not so long ago that when you asked a colleague how he was doing he'd likely reply, "I'm good, thanks." He might not actually have been good at all, but he would have kept that to himself.
Now, in the age of the mortgage meltdown and mass layoffs, he'll probably offer the answer that's become the default comeback for white-collar guys who want to demonstrate they've got it all—the career on an upward curve, the remodeled townhouse, the hot wife, and the privately educated kids. He'll say, "I'm so tired."
"It's the first thing that comes out of someone's mouth when you ask them how they're doing," says Matthew Moss, 34, a creative director at a marketing agency in Portland, Oregon. "'Oh, I'm exhausted.' The first thing you think is 'Oh, this guy is tired, which means he's probably been working really hard.' Or 'They're full of shit.'"
Mostly, it's the second one. When you walk into a colleague's office and he's sitting there rubbing his eyes and stifling yawns, dropping a Venti latte cup into a wastebasket and hollering at his assistant to bring him another Red Bull, do you think, Wow, what an overachiever!? No. Because he's the guy who puts on the same show at meetings, trying to bleed extra credit from an average performance—Can you believe I pulled this off despite my obvious exhaustion?
"I think people use tiredness as a defense mechanism," says Paul (who asked that his last name not be used), 30, a vice president at an investment bank in Manhattan. "If you're staying till three in the morning you must be doing something very important, right?"
It doesn't actually matter what you're doing. No one believes you—much less cares. The three-day stubble, the slack jaw, the really . . . long . . . pauses . . . between words—to observers it's all white-noise whining. Mr. I'm So Tired thinks his cartoonish fatigue is demonstrating his dauntingly high station in life. It isn't.
"People use tiredness as a proxy for effort," says Steve Gravenkemper, an organizational psychologist at Plante & Moran, a consulting and accounting firm based in Detroit. "They say, 'Gee, I tried real hard even though I didn't get the result, and you can see that by my exhaustion.'"
Andy (not his real name), a 27-year-old analyst at a hedge fund in Manhattan, says the long hours that he and his colleagues work mean that there's low tolerance for status tiredness, because everyone is fatigued.
"It's like, 'Yeah, I popped two Lunes last night at 4 a.m.—and I was in at the office at six,'" he says. "It's really absurd."
Maybe it's that other symbols of social standing—the summer house, the SUV—are now so commonplace that they've lost their value. Or it could just be that to use tiredness as an emblem of status is to enter the realm of the intangible. No one knows what you did after you left the office, or whether you actually feel the way you're behaving. And the significance of the fatigued act is lost on them anyway. They're too tired to care.
Does bragging about how tired you are get under your skin too? Tell us your best "I'm so overworked" story in the comment section below.
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Everyone I know is tired all the time...
mikeobrien58
May 28, 2008 2:30:11 PM
This story sounds all to familiar, as I find myself adhereing to a strikingly similar pattern. 60 hour work week, new pair of Gucci loafers, new pair of white Cole Haan wingtips, new blackberry, 4+ cups of coffee daily, and constantly complaining of being tired. Sound like the MO of a successful thirty-something? Well it is... the only problem is that I am 21. There is a striking new trend emerging of overworked, overtired, twenty-somethings trying to mimic the symbols of success of their older coworkers at the cost of their youth.
Brandon32
May 30, 2008 4:55:51 PM
The guy at my work who is tasked with ordering technical equipment pulls this "tired" crap all the time. If I decide to engage in a conversation with him he always talks about how busy he is or how swamped he is. I found out it's because he insists on ordering our stuff the old-fashioned way because he's afraid of using the computer. This worthless heap of flesh is calling the sales reps and placing the orders over the phone like he was ordering something out of the Spiegal catalog and it's 1988. Meanwhile, my stuff never gets ordered or the wrong thing is ordered and we have to do this all over again. We call him Craftsman because he's a complete tool.
tweaker_b
Jun 1, 2008 9:38:37 AM
This is a uniquely American behavior as far as I can tell. I live in Europe and I rarely hear this kind of "bragging" from Europeans, but as soon as I meet an American, all I hear are "I am exhausted, I am sooo busy," as if this is something to be proud of. It is connected to the Blackberry mentale, and the final-exam-week mentale. All it means is that you are unable to prioritize your life and take care of yourself. To be truly cool, one would make it look effortless.
Krinkle
Jun 2, 2008 8:12:23 AM
I concur Krinckle
sanyika
Jun 2, 2008 7:27:46 PM
I work in private service as a chef. The household also has 2 housekeepers, a laubdress, a florist, a window washer and a groundman/vehicle man. we all work our tails off everyday and it is physicallly demanding (true it is not digging ditches but cleaning a tub that as big as a double bed is mighty challenging!)
Anyhoo, we all just roll our eyes when Madame or the Kids or Mister walk thru with the 'oh my god, I am so tired" or worse, 'I'm so busy today'....hairdresser, dermatologist, lunch...' thse are the folks who need a wake up.
On the otherhand, I once worked for America' Greatest Musical Comedy, dramatic actress, over 70 and after a 15 hour day of shooting would only say to us 'what a day!' And in such an ambiguious manner that we could never be sure - if it was a fabtastic day, a sloughing draft of a day or that she was dead on her feet....a very classy lady....
no one cares if you are tired..
julibelle55
Jun 2, 2008 11:54:22 PM
never tired here...
mensonenonly
Jun 4, 2008 12:15:50 PM
In Europe everyone takes "siestas" and two hour long coffee breaks, therefore they have a better work life balance which is why they are less tired. Additionally, the have double the vacation days. It makes complete sense. I am jealous of the laid back European style. In the meantime, back to the grind.
workaholic
Jun 10, 2008 8:59:51 AM
workaholic,
Sorry, but that's a huge stereotype that is not based in reality. Being in Spain, the hallmark of the "siesta" stereotype, I can tell you for certain that everyone does NOT take a siesta, and we darn sure do not take 2 hour coffee breaks.
However, I would agree that we DO find a better work/life balance, and do not sacrifice our well being for work as much as Americans do. There are exceptions, of course, but the key is to simply keep a balance, learn the power of the word "no" (yes, even to your job's boss, but learn to say it the correct way), and, if truly tired, suck it up and not tell anyone about it.
Javi
Sep 10, 2008 3:43:13 PM