REPUBLICAN

Ann Coulter

If there were a fire and you had to choose between your collection of rare Juggs magazines and your collection of rare Winchester rifles, you're pretty sure you'd just burn to death.

DEMOCRAT

Stephen Colbert

After the last three-hour argument over the difference between kitsch and camp, you and your roommate decided to hug it out over some Captain Beefheart records.

REPUBLICAN

Bill O'Reilly

You've always had a fire in your belly. In fact, you were the only kindergartner with a bleeding ulcer.

DEMOCRAT

Arianna Huffington

Of course you're a real liberal! The outdoor lighting at your Nantucket estate runs on solar—and you buy Fig Newmans.

INDEPENDENT

Chris Matthews

Getting caught cheating on your LSATs hasn't stopped you from believing the world owes you a living.

REPUBLICAN

Sean Hannity

"Hey, honey, after you fold my shirts could you bring me a beer and blow me before the Steelers game starts?"

DEMOCRAT

Alan Colmes

"Hey, honey, after I wash your car can I go to Jamba Juice with Glen if I'm back in time for Desperate Housewives?"

INDEPENDENT

Wolf Blitzer

You once called out someone else's name while making love to your wife. Even worse, that name was "John Adams."

Which political pundit will sway your vote? Pledge your allegiance in the comment section below.

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