1. Harrison Ford

"Hey, I'm not afraid to get my L.L. Bean boots muddy! Remember when it rained during the Hootie & the Blowfish concert at the Miller Lite Riverplex? Those were some times!"

Courtesy of Warner Bros.

2. Steven Seagal

You keep nunchakus on your stack of Asian Babes magazines. Not that you would use them—you practice Zen. In fact, the license plate on your Trans Am reads ZEN 69.

Courtesy of Cannon Films

3. Jean-Claude Van Damme

Things are good. Your spandex turns heads at the gym, your scooter turns heads at the shore. You only wish the Orange Dream Machine at Jamba Juice came with a cocaine boost.

Courtesy of Warner Bros.

4. Will Smith

You just know that somewhere, deep within your repressed, honky CPA self, there's a bad motherfucker who's itching to get jiggy with it.

Courtesy of 20th Century Fox

5. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Ever notice how the party seems to scatter every time you reprise those Predator one-liners? That's not because there's a fresh tray of cocktail wieners coming out of the oven.

Courtesy of Tristar Pictures

6. Sylvester Stallone
"Yo, we just renovated and it is fuckin' nice—wall-to-wall carpeting, marble bathrooms, the whole deal. I even renovated Nancy. Hey, Nancy! Show Joey here your triple D's!"

Courtesy of Rim

7. Chow Yun-Fat

Your collection of obscure grind-house cinema rivals that of anyone in Hollywood. So did your prize bonsai tree, until you spilled Mountain Dew on it.

Courtesy of Miramax

8. Bruce Willis

When not hitting on the barmaid at Houlihan's in your leather bomber, you can be found air-drumming over Heinies at the House of Blues. Especially since Miss Bring-Me-Another got that restraining order.

Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

9. Vin Diesel

The buff guy at Muscle Beach wouldn't go home with you because your RAV4 smelled like chalupas. You're pretty sure the skull-shaped coconut air freshener will win him back.

Which action hero reflects your wild side? Share your pick in the comment section below.

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