The Rise of the A-Gay
They're smarter, sexier, and far more successful than you'll ever be. And they definitely don't speak with a lisp. Meet America's new ruling class—the Alpha Gays.
-By Mike Albo
-Photograph by James Westman
Last month, sailing off the southern tip of Capri, a group of men including a prominent Manhattan gallerist and a former pro soccer player made for quite the postcard. In fact, the scene was more like a glossy advertisement for an expensive chronographic timepiece: As the 42-foot Norwegian yacht tacked into the wind, the rugged master-of-the-universe types scrambled to adjust the jib. To the casual observer, they appeared to be active men of means on some kind of luxury bonding excursion. And they were. But they also happened to be homosexual.
Make way for the A-gays. Moneyed, successful, educated, and comfortable in their own skin, they're fast becoming the new archetype of cosmopolitan masculinity. The urban man's man. They don't own yappy miniature dogs or time-shares in Fort Lauderdale; they own Labradors and four-bedroom summer homes in Sag Harbor. Instead of cruising in gay clubs, they jet to Gstaad or the TED conference, and party at Sundance with Zooey Deschanel. They don't want to be part of any kind of closeted group or velvet mafia. Their Savile Row suits are impeccable (A-gays tend to go custom rather than buying off the rack), and they furnish their homes with collectible pieces by designers like Claude Lalanne. They drive to Krav Maga class in Lexus hybrids and read four newspapers a day, including the Wall Street Journal, because they're bosses and entrepreneurs, not employees. Often athletic, they're never steroid queens. And they can pull off having much-younger boyfriends without looking creepy. Artists and photographers approach them with new works. Charity committees beg them to cohost their benefits and sit on their boards—and they have portfolios of philanthropic interests that aren't just gay- or AIDS-related. Some, like one couple in New York City, a lawyer and a chef, aren't just avid operagoers, they're benefactors. Others travel in Wasp circles.
What they're not are the guys running around in torn jeans and leopard-print tops telling women what not to wear. "They have actual power that even straights can't deny," says one veteran of the New York-Los Angeles power-gay media scene, "and usually an imposing sense of style and grooming." A-gays supplant the prevailing media cliché: those irrepressible reality makeover icons, style experts, and fashion minions who have thrived throughout the naughts. They are the antitheses of the Carson Kressleys and Steven "Kojo" Cojocarus—they don't want to talk about how to hide your chunky sister's hips or brighten up a bedroom with colorful pillows. They will never say "Just wear it with a belt!" They own the company that manufactures the belts.
Even those A-gays with kids are able to find the time to perfect themselves, becoming the healthier, more stylish, more popular version of you that might have been. The cultural barriers that once held them back have largely eroded, but instead of waving rainbow flags, they maintain a subtle privacy about their sexuality. Out but not loud, proud but discreet, they transcend gayness in much the same way that Barack Obama is said to have transcended race.
"A-gays mark measurable societal progress," says Laura Gilbert, editor of the pop-culture website lemondrop.com. "People can now be out without being expected to swish. It's the Neil Patrick Harris/Portia de Rossi brand of gay."
Those of a certain pedigree have a tendency to stick together, and A-gays are no different. While they don't shun B-gays or C-gays, they tend to move in rarefied circles, and are apt to be found at upscale restaurants among their straight peers—not at bars with names like Rawhide. For the most part, they have opted out of the gay scene and its social networks and eschew the theme parties and bathhouses of the lower castes. They also steer clear of the typical pink vacation destinations; you will not catch an A-gay shirtless in South Beach or at a foam party in Mykonos.
"My favorite A-gay has to be dragged to gay bars," says Gilbert, adding that she sees the breed as a unique torment to straight women: "At first when we meet one, we feel a glimmer of hope for the existence of funny, charming, debonair, clean-shaven men. Soon, though, the reality sinks in."
But for straight men, the A-gay is even more confusing. The average guy might have a gay friend or two, but they rarely represent a challenge to his heterosexuality. The A-gay's success—with personal style, in business, with friends—has a gravitational pull. Often straight guys hope that some of that A-gayness will rub off on them and, before you know it, they've developed a man crush. And that's when their wives start giving them looks.
Check out these top stories from Details:
 |
WHAT IF YOU ONLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY? For some men, the trouble starts when they realize they're actually straight. |
 |
DOES EVERYONE THINK YOU'RE GAY? For some guys, no amount of evidence to the contrary can kill a certain rumor. |
 |
THE NEW STATUS GUILT With the economy in free fall, guys with big wallets are working extra hard to hide their success from their friends. |
RSS FEEDS & PODCASTS
I think this article is very dead on to how gay men live their successful lives away from all the filth that comes with being gay.
I, as a gay man myself am still working on how to become successful aswell.
but all i got to do is give it time and i'll have my dream as well.
classynewton
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
I read your article The Rise of the A-Gay and was glad that someone recognized that not all gay guys fit the popular stereotypes. However, in an article about those outside the mold, I again find myself alienated. I definitely wouldn't consider myself your A-Gay, but I am a decent looking 20 something with a good job and a steady boyfriend. I don't jet-set, and don't have the money or desire for designer suits, but I am well educated, and typically avoid the gay scene for the company of my straight friends. Although I am grateful for what the community has done in raising awareness of our civil rights, I feel like some of us average guys are left without a voice.
jd2176
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
This article is completely spot on! In fact, as a gay man I had developed this same theory--down to the lettering system--about five years ago. I realized then in meeting and dating many guys that "all gays were not created equally." It's not a put-down to anyone...that's totally alright in my opinion. In fact, when gay men realize this fact, life will become much easier for all. For example, I was recently at a Democratic fundraiser for Hillary (and yes, we met) hosted by the ultimate gay couple. These two men, both in their 30's, live in a mansion in a gated community surrounded by their four adopted children and original Warhols and Lichtensteins. All of the other Manhattan "gAy Listers" were there as well. Could I date any of them? No way! I wouldn't want to do that. I am a B Lister all the way. I am an educated teacher who is 45 and decent looking. All of those things scream B Lister, and again, it's okay. Here's the thing though...gay guys think that they are either one group better than they really are, or they think that it's okay to date guys in a higher group. So the questions begs to be asked...Am I really a C Lister?
Alan Scott
Tuxedo Park, New York
Gymdad43
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
Gay men who label themselves as "A-List Gays" are completely delusional.
There is nothing worse than someone putting on airs. Specially boasting about it.
Snobbery died out in the 80's...get with the decades guys.
I've got friends from one end of the spectrum to the other and would never think to feel like I'm better or worse off then any of them.
I'm just the same as the rest. Gay men separating themselves from their own subcultures are as attractive as a man wearing a thong..or worst yet, silk boxer shorts.
I don't go to South Beach or take so-called "pink vacations". I prefer a dive bar over a happy, shinny, drug induced one. I wouldn't be caught dead at an "upscale" restaurant/bar. Why?! why would I want to be in a room full of uptight guys discussing what's going on with their portfolios. How stupid. And Gay men who call themselves "A-List Gays" are just looking to make themselves feel better about themselves in front of other people.
Me, I don't talk about work or my portfolio, or my bank accounts.
And if that makes me a "Z-List Gay"...I will gladly revel in it.
mb00
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
ick. This is just a snobby update of "straight acting, straight appearing." More internalized homophobia. My Dears, gay men have always come in all types and incomes and personalities. This is not a trend. And anyone who defines themselves as the top - "A" - is repugnant by definition. Yes, I am privileged to live the life I want around the world, and look good doing it. No, I am never guessed as gay as I am too physically masculine and confident to fit people's stereotypes. But I run screaming like a little girl from anyone who think that makes me, or us, superior in any way, it is only their insecurity made visible. The "A" Gays are sad, not sexy.
bigpacific
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
Vacuous. Snobbish. Offensively reductive. Overall, the perfectly representative Details piece.
mistaketv
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
The moniker "A-Gay" has been around for years. Armistead Maupin wrote about them in his Tales of the City series over 30 years ago. This is nothing new.
HRPublicist
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
This crowd has been around forever, but the straights are just noticing and as always that's what's important. Heard about AIDS yet?
mattheww
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
Whatever you think, I'm sure, this was not something anyone should have said. It's offensive. There's no reason to be self-conscious about what you are. If you're gay, there's no reason to act like you're straight. If you like small dogs, have a fucking small dog. This guy's an idiot.
GeoffWCB
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
seriously? this is ridiculous. substitute sexuality for race in this article and you'd have an ONSLAUGHT of irate discourse. why are we accepting labels like this that further fragment the gay community? whether or not the author of this article had that goal in mind, we have to think about the article in that context. I mean, positing a CASTE SYSTEM FOR GAY MEN. can you think of anything more ludicrous, harmful or inane? (i can, just for the record. rhetorically this just sounds nice and frankly i'm very upset.)
victormc
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
this is simply disgusting. i hope the writer gets jaundice.
aztek206
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
Finally, everyone can see that details is FOR the Alpha Gays ;)
bryanalvin
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
Tom Wolfe wrote a better version of this article 27 years ago.
Next time, try doing some actual reporting.
oogabooga
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
Mr. Albo:
The caste system that you suggest (and in my opinion glorify) for gays is certainly a departure from your celebration of the east village gay hipster scene you wrote about in "Hornito" years ago. What's the deal? Do you just pump up whatever circle you happen to be running in as an attempt to validate your own insecurities? If you've been guppified, that's fine. Honestly, I have been to. I used to spend all night at the Wonderbar, and now I own a Brownstone in Park Slope. But I, unlike you, do not find it necessary to validate my choices by creating socio-economic phenomenon that you back up by siting a blog. My suggestion is to bring this comment into your therapy session this week to discuss.
subatomic
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
Sounds more like A-Holes than A-Gays. If this turd had been in The Onion it would have been genius. Alas, I fear it's just lame. Or is that lamé?
caspmct
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
lamé = lam-AY
caspmct
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
I'm glad someone FINALLY wrote an article about me.
A_Bruce
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
Finally, someone has written an article about me!!
A_Bruce
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
I can't wait till one of those gay designers finally gets some pink triangles with A, B and C on them so we know who we can and cannot be associated with... its so hard these days without those hankies in our back pockets. What's a B- gay boy to do?
A_Bruce
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
I think the only reason one would be upset with this article, aside from its subject being day old news, is because they belong to a different are of this "gay caste system". It may not necessarily be snobbery that makes a man an A-Gay, but pride. Don't hate because you are jealous - that just makes you straight.
BecauseGQSaysSo
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
OOH, the alpha gay; watch me shudder in my heterosexual boots. We've had alpha gays forever; the last time it was as gloriously revealed as your mag does now was in WWII when alpha gays dominated much of the SS leadership and gestapo.
Ooh, they're rough and they're tough, and they're oh so macho. Give me a friggin' break; any time males assert their alpha side, it's usually a sign of aberrant personality and behavior.
straightboyohboy
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
I agree that it's time for an article like this, but I don't agree with the way the author wrote it. Caste system??? While there are different strata among gays, there are also different strata among straights, Christians, etc. This has existed for centuries in every corner of humanity. The word "caste" carries a very negative connotation with it and its meaning does not fit in the context for which its used in this article, or in real life. A very poor choice of a word.
It is also true that this trend is nothing new. I will agree that America is much more accepting of gay men now that when I was growing up, the "phenomenon" that this article tries to sensationalize has also occurred for centuries. Looking at American society, in the 1950s, and most likely even before then, there were many gay professional men who didn't "run around in torn jeans." I personally felt that the show Queer As Folk was degrading to me as a professional gay male since I didn't behave to that degree even in my 20s.
socialitebite
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
This article has been passed-around between friends, with the universal response coming in two parts: first, "how very exciting that captain obvious appears to believe he's providing insight into a phenomenon that we've been rolling our collective non-A-gay eyes about for generations", and second, "should one of us tell him that there is no difference between A-gays and A-straights? the perfect people are perfect regardless of sexual orientation, and equally obnoxious."
Really, fella -- I suppose if your goal was to get people talking then you've succeeded, but srsly... this isn't journalism, and if the talk is all about what a fool you are then perhaps you haven't done yourself justice.
krebbs
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
This was the first copy of Details magazine that I have ever received. I was looking forward to a men's fashion/lifestyle magazine that didn't have any prejudice or third-party judgmental views. Then I read the "Alpha Gays" article and was truly outraged. This is coming from a person who is never insulted by others opinions. I myself am even a "A-Gay" but this is disgusting. I am not expecting labeling (especially upon the gay community) to end but, this article has gone too far. This article insinuates that before a gay man can be recognized as a sane and well-respected person in society, he must shun the lifestyle of a stereotypical gay man. I respect those who do have this lifestyle because it is who they are, but this article is telling me that straight peoples look upon stereotypical gay lifestyle as a cultural anomaly, something that can never be integrated into functioning society. In short, if I see a followup story about how A-Gays are the newest cheating assholes; I would like to point out that Details first encouraged said behavior.
superswim1323
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>
this article is ridiculous and just further stereotypes, especially in the end with the C type gays, Okay well I guess them I'm a D or F? Because I don't have that amount of money and hang out with wealthy people or read the Wall Street Journal?? I happen to be on disability and live in West Hollywood, and even if I lived in Tampa? So what I'm a good person inside that volunteers and treats others with respect, I regret I have a "prescription to details" as apparently I'm on poppers already what a crock, and even though I don't have lube on the nightstand give me a break do the A-gays have some other kind of lube, what a waste of an article I hope this writer can find his inner self, because he is obviously not well mentally
bradbartlett
<$MTCommentDate %B %e %Y$>