Alan, much like a dog that's been fixed, you don't get it.

You might consider moving on to another topic, because you continue to show us that your point of view is not unique. Your comments fall in line with millions of other ignorant comments we endure on the internets and in print daily. Yours just got ~8 pages in GQ for some reason.

I encourage you to research why cities are near water, and near big rivers. I encourage you to research why New Orleans flooded. Read the USACE reports, and the independent investigations. Imagine your entire house and life washed away by federal incompetence. Imagine the government says you can’t sue. Imagine a food writer calls you vain, corrupt, and self-indulgent. Imagine a food writer says he wants a say in how you rebuild you life, because he confuses tourists for those that serve them.

Also, since you seem to be implying that all this is about caring where your tax dollars go, I’ll be interested to read your articles on the big dig, corn subsidies, the iraq war, the Mexican border, Terry Schiavo, …

When you gave to the Tsunami relief effort, did you write an article about child enslavement and molestation?

When you gave to victims of the 911, did you write about America’s support of Israel?

When you gave to the victims of the 1989 earthquake, did you write about morality and homosexuality?

This quote should be tattooed on your forehead :

“I gave more money to New Orleans charities than I have to any other individual cause in my life. I didn't do it so the people down there could continue to have parades.”

A CALL TO GQ: FIRE YOUR FOOD WRITER FOR RACIST INVECTIVE

This letter is a request for the immediate ouster of Alan Richman from his position as food writer at GQ. The formal inquiry, as voiced by its sole author, Noah Bonaparte Pais, but with doubtless support by countless others, is based around the abject bigotry in Mr. Richman's latest article, "Yes, We're Open" [November '06], in which the writer had the following (and much more) to say about New Orleans' native Creole people:

"Supposedly, Creoles can be found in and around New Orleans. I have never met

one and suspect they are a faerie folk, like Leprechauns, rather than an

indigenous race. The myth is that once, long ago, Creoles existed … The 'crab and Creole' salad wasn't as interesting as its name -- I was expecting a composition that included chopped up Creoles, allowing me finally to glimpse one of them."

Furthermore, Mr. Richman, in one of several letters sent to me amidst a recent maelstrom of withering criticism, attempted to acquit himself with the following argument:

"Was I racist? A ridiculous claim that I refute outright … Were Creoles attacked in the streets by non-Creoles egged on by me? Have Creoles been banned from public schools? Is there a national campaign underway to relocate Creoles to military bases, segregate them behind barbed wire? Did anybody even stick his tongue out at a Creole? Please."

Ironically, this radical defense only goes further toward the realization of Mr. Richman's inherently racist views. Unlike those who flaunt their prejudice (e.g., skinheads or white supremacists), casual bigots do not believe their viewpoints to be slanted at all -- they maintain positions which fall within the boundaries of their own self-created mainstream. Hence, when confronted with this accusation, Mr. Richman conjured a holocaustic, Nazi-like dream state with which to contrast his own comments, thereby expressing his own extremist opinion that nothing short of a human rights crisis could possibly constitute harmful racism. That is, in and of itself, the embodiment of casual bigotry, and should be taken as tantamount to a subconscious confession of such.

Needless to say, there is no place in the pages of GQ -- or in any other Conde Nast publication, or in any other publication, period -- for Mr. Richman's hubris-fueled hatred. As precedent for a dismissal, please review the case of Kevin O'Brien, former head of broadcasting for 13 stations under the Meredith Corporation umbrella, fired in 2005 for alleged comments disparaging African Americans, Indians and Jews, and ESPN's recent removal of radio commentator Brian Kinchen from on-air work, after an offhand remark about homosexuals elicited criticism from listeners. Three weeks after publication, the outrage at Mr. Richman's article eclipses both these examples.

Another passage from the aforementioned letter provides additional insight into this writer's warped psyche. Asked whether he stands by his words, Mr. Richman answered:

"I'm very proud of what I wrote, but that's not a response to your definition of what I should be proud of and what I should not be proud of. I'm proud because this country badly needs a debate on New Orleans --- my naive assumption was that my story might incite a lively, spirited debate."

On two points Mr. Richman was proven correct. His assumptions were indeed naïve, and he has certainly incited a debate: Thousands of people nationwide now want to know why GQ would sponsor and publish hate speech disguised as grumpy gastronomic commentary. Having been libeled 854,155 times over, all currently existing Creoles -- both in New Orleans and abroad -- are owed at least an honest answer to this question.

I'm fairly sure your money didn't go to the Parades. That money comes directly from the people who ride in them, and from the money that they generate from the tourist activity created by them.

As for your comment "I wrote it because the fate of New Orleans is a national issue, not a local issue, and it's essential that different points of view be heard." While that may have some substance to it, wouldn't you want the city to succeed since it's of such National importance? Didn't your momma ever tell you, "If you don't have anything good to say, just don't say it?" Especially if that damning statement could obviously affect you!!!

Do us all a favor Alan, forget that New Orleans ever existed, that way you can't damn it (now only if the Army Corp of Engineers can dam it!!!).

You're contridicting yourself here. On the one hand you claim that you're focusing not on the locals, but on the nation as the rebuilding of New Orleans is a national issue. I agree with that.

Then, however, you say you didn't donate money so that they could have more parades. I see two problems with that line of thinking. First, those parades (Mardi Gras) is a national event that brings in millions of direct and indirect economic impact to the city. Essentially, for a city that relies on tourism as a major industry, donating to those parades is one of the best ways to reinvigorate the New Orleans economy (nevermind the accurate comment already posted that the parades are financed by the riders).

The second problem I have with those comments is the utter lack of cultural awareness you display. Those parades, and the proud tradition of the Mardi Gras Indians, is a major cultural expression of the local residents of New Orleans - both the affluent riders on krewes such as Rex and the poor and largely displaced residents of the Lower Nine. That's not living in a fantasy land, it's an expression of cultural identity and traces an important historical link between the African American slaves and the Native Americans who provided assistance to them.

For a moment, let's refocus on your original article. Of course there are good and bad restaurants in any city, and I don't for a moment deny you your right to ctitique the food and restaurants in New Orleans. It's your opinion, and you're entitled to it. That said, when you use your position as a food and restaurant critic as an excuse to mock and belittle a culture and city simply because it doesn't meet your tastes or standards, I believe you have gone too far. What's worse is that even when presented the true facts you hide behind a facade of indifference and superiority - if we didn't understand what you meant, it must be our fault, we didn't get it. Perhaps if so many "didn't get it" then you're not quite as effective at getting your point across as you thought?

Alan,

You are entitled to your opinion regarding New Orleans but you are clearly an idiot that should be arrested for impersonating a food critic. You simply do not get New Orleans so please stop trying and stop visiting. You offer nothing in terms of real perspective- only pitiful whining about all the traditions that you don't grasp. As a native New Orleanian, I am not blind to the many areas that can be improved upon and neither are my fellow citizens. The fact that we have not allowed fools such as you to wrongfully influence our past, present, and future is exactly why New Orleans will remain the most cultured and special city in America.

Lastly, do be a gentleman and tell your editor that while keeping you employed might sell more magazines,

it also degrades the quality of this fine publication.

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

SAVING ALAN RICHMAN FROM HIMSELF

Enough with the disconnected complaints. Sign this formal petition calling for the firing of Alan Richman, and perhaps we'll speak with one voice loud enough for Jim Nelson to hear:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/318795153

True dat, Mr. Richman. True dat.