McSpin

From reports I've read—most recently from the Associated Press—the struggle for quality at McDonald's never ceases.

In this latest story, we are told of years of research and "extensive testing" as McDonald's selflessly seeks ways to make the cooking oil for its fries healthier.

To be fair, fries are something McDonald's does seem to care about, maybe because it's one of the rare fast-food products that foodies have praised. Of course, that happened years ago, when McDonald's oil included a big dose of beef tallow, which is rendered beef fat, the bovine equivalent of lard. It's pretty clear that fries cooked in melted animal parts, whatever they happen to be, taste better than fries made any other way.

McDonald's got rid of the beef tallow during one of America's well-meaning witch-hunts against saturated fats. More recently, McDonald's was again forced to alter the formula for the oil in which fries are cooked, this time because the city of New York has banned trans-fat.

A spokesman for the company said the new cooking-oil formula had passed the test and the company was "very confident in what we're hearing back from our customers."

This is a farce beyond reason. McDonald's doesn't care what it feeds us. McDonald's customers don't care what they're eating. And McDonald's employees can't cook worth a damn.

Should McDonald's products be regulated? That's like asking if the nuclear industry should be regulated. Without guidelines, the company would happily send out food that would set fire to our insides. The only criteria for its products: Will customers buy them?

Please. No more stories about how McDonald's is saving the world through research.

Another thing: Have you ever taken a close look at Ronald McDonald's body? That's what you're going to look like if you keep eating that crap.