Why Stop There?

It seems that a scientist in North Carolina has devised a means of disguising the bitter taste of caffeine.

This is a wonderful scientific breakthrough. I pray that the genius behind the discovery will use it for the good of all mankind.

"I had the idea for caffeinated pastries several years ago," said Dr. Robert Bohannon, who wants to add the equivalent of the caffeine in one or two cups of coffee to pastry products.

Dr. Bohannon, obviously not a health-care provider, has approached several well-known chains, hoping that they will use his invention in donuts and bagels.

The Buzz Donut. The Buzzed Bagel. He's trademarked the names.

Dr. Bohannan, who holds a Ph.D in molecular virology from the Baylor College of Medicine, is now president of a biotechnology company, Environostics, Inc.

What I'd like to see next from this altruistic fellow is Buzz Beaujolais, which will enable drunks to remain alert enough to pass roadside sobriety tests.