Here is a list of ten foods that nutrition experts say will put you in a good mood:

Milk
Oily fish
Strawberries
Spinach
Sweet potatoes
Turkey
Brazil nuts
Low-fat yogurt
Caffeine
Cottage Cheese

Supposedly, they all contain magic ingredients like whey protein or omega-3 fatty acids or serotonin boosters that make you less irritable, or fend off depression, or calm you down.

I'll concede that caffeine, which is more a drug than a foodstuff, seems to fend off gloom. As for the rest, just reading that list put me in a bad mood.

Unless you're coming off a hunger strike, those ten items will never make you happy.

I've modified the list. Here are ten similar foods that I guarantee will put you in a good mood:

Chocolate milk
Smoked salmon on a bagel
Strawberry ice cream
Creamed spinach
French fries
Thanksgiving dinner
Honey roasted peanuts
Full-fat Greek yogurt with honey
Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino
After-dinner cheese course

I'm not a nutritionist. I'm a realist.