Few condiments are as proletarian or American as Heinz ketchup—or so we thought. In two weeks, the brand is releasing a gourmet version, made from "12 plump tomatoes, spices, sea salt, Demerara sugar, cayenne pepper, and lemon juice." Even worse, it's U.K.-only—evidently, the brand doesn't think impoverished Yanks can handle the price tag, which is triple that of the regular version. Hey, we'll just think of it as another upside to the recession: One fewer stupid decision to wrestle with at the grocery store.

[Daily Mirror via Epi-Log]