Missing from Brea, California: Several of the city's public sculptures, reports the WSJ. But the massive installations weren't stolen for their beauty, or even for gallery cache: The pieces were nicked for scrap. With the price of copper climbing to $4 a pound, the sculptures (some weighing hundreds of pounds), have become a metallurgical cash cow for would-be Thomas Crowns. The proposed solution? A phalanx of deterrent cacti. What's next, a leash for the balloon dog?

Featured alongside a typically by-the-book story on something called the "Recession Diet" in yesterday's Times was an encouraging bit of data (click on the graphic under "Multimedia"): Spending on men's clothes is up significantly over last year, as opposed to nearly every other key category, from travel to women's fashion. Hey, it's nice to know that if the economy ends up in the tank for the next decade, it won't be our readers' fault.

The pontiff's recent visit to New York delighted many, but some of retail's big names were less than pleased. "Our Fifth Avenue store was open, but totally blocked," Lacoste USA chairman and CEO Robert Siegel told WWD. "Our biggest day of the week [Saturday] was off plan by 50 percent in that store." (The papal procession went north on Fifth Avenue.) Seems risky to carp about the visit of the man believed by millions to be God's emissary—and besides, not everyone experienced a downturn. "We had many exhilarated shoppers visiting our store after [Pope Benedict XVI's Saturday morning] Mass," said Suzanne Johnson of Saks Fifth Avenue. Maybe that's what the economy needs: a little help from on high.

Searching for the cause of the incipient recession? Try testosterone. At least, according to a new study out of Cambridge. The Guardian Reports that among London traders, those with higher levels of the hormone in the morning tended to (ahem) perform better—but it can also lead to overconfidence and irrational behavior, which then triggers stress hormones and clouds judgment, resulting in (you guessed it) potential market crashes. Tough news for manly men, we're afraid—especially given that another new study suggests Gordon Gekko was right: Money might be the root of all happiness, after all.

Few condiments are as proletarian or American as Heinz ketchup—or so we thought. In two weeks, the brand is releasing a gourmet version, made from "12 plump tomatoes, spices, sea salt, Demerara sugar, cayenne pepper, and lemon juice." Even worse, it's U.K.-only—evidently, the brand doesn't think impoverished Yanks can handle the price tag, which is triple that of the regular version. Hey, we'll just think of it as another upside to the recession: One fewer stupid decision to wrestle with at the grocery store.

[Daily Mirror via Epi-Log]

Boston's Colonnade Hotel is now offering guests a 20 percent discount on days when the market is down. Dubbed the Bull and Bears package, it's the latest example of a nascent trend: travel deals for struggling Americans. (Hey, no complaints here.) Still, the markdown is no reason to cheer for the economy's downfall—you get a 10 percent discount when stocks are up.

[Luxist]

Bad (if not surprising) news from today's DNR: Menswear retailers did poorly during March. Even worse—for the economy, if not your wardrobe—are the three shops who made out all right: Aeropostale, the Buckle, and Wal-Mart.

[Not online, but you can download the issue here]

The Guardian has a nice piece today on "two-bag Brits"—tourists who come to the U.S. with one suitcase for their wardrobe, and another one for bringing back new clothes, presumably purchased at a discount because of the weakened dollar. Joke's on them, though: The paper notes that, in many cases, the "discount" doesn't really exist.

Want to get the economy going again? Tax the most deserving. Here in America, that tends to imply the überrich, but in Argentina, argues Gonzalo Otalora, it's the ugly who are truly poor—and the beautiful who should be bankrolling them. Otalora writes in his "manifesto del feosexual"—the "ugly-sexual's" manifesto—that "countless studies show that...it's easier for them to find jobs; they're paid more and find partners more easily." He advocates that the tax be donated to the unlovely. Would it work for the U.S.? Who knows, but we think some of our girls could end the recession in no time.

[The Guardian]

Last fall, Cipriani's on Fifth inspired Frank Bruni's infamous hissy fit over a $34.95 calamari appetizer, so you shouldn't expect bargains at any outpost of the family's bar and restaurant empire. And yet, at its Harry's of Venice, you'll get exactly that: Touched by the plight of the floundering dollar—and by a 5- to 10-percent drop in American tourist business—owner Arrigo Cipriani is offering Americans a 20-percent discount on all menu items "during the short term of their recovery." (Don't hold your breath.) Still, we prefer our drinks the way all the great, impoverished American expats once took theirs: on credit.

[GQ UK]