Rude Awakenings

Eye-opening solutions for reluctant risers

September 21, 2005—What’s a non-morning person to do when the world stubbornly refuses to conform to his particular sleep rhythms? Luckily, that’s a question a growing number of alarm clock designers have seen fit to address. And our favorite new way of rousing the unrousable has to be the Puzzle Alarm Clock (left). Created by a few (presumably late-rising) Danish jokesters, the clock is so inspired/silly you’ll nearly laugh yourself awake (unless, that is, you’re crying at its evil genius): When it’s time to make the donuts, the clock buzzes and launches the pieces of its puzzle into the air. There are only two ways to shut the damn thing off—root around your bedroom to locate the pieces and place each in its proper position, or smash it with a hammer. Brilliant. Or, if you like the idea of jigsaw puzzles about as much as 6 a.m. wake-up calls, here are a few other insistent options guaranteed to get your ass up:

Now & Zen Alarm Clock: Over a 10-minute time frame, an “acoustic chime bar” is struck with increasing insistency, rousing you Buddha-style (assuming the Buddha had to worry about crap like rent). $109.95

Soleil Sun Alarm Clock: “Gradually increases to a bright sunrise glow that your body responds to… particularly perfect for people who experience Seasonal Affective Disorder” or are asleep. $79.95

Oregon Scientific Projection Alarm Clock: Projects the time onto the ceiling, making it harder to hide from—is also tuned to the U.S. Atomic Clock, so you can’t rationalize a few more minutes in bed by hoping it’s set fast. $29.99

The Hotel on Rivington: When you order a wake-up call at this property on New York’s Lower East Side, you can elect to have the motorized curtains open while the phone rings. From $285 per night

Philips ShoqBox: Holds 256 MBs of digital audio, so you can motivate yourself out of bed with your favorite Angus Young riff or Tony Robbins quote. $129.99

Neverlate 7-Day Alarm Clock: Here’s a solution to the opposing problem—forgetting to turn off the alarm on weekends. The Neverlate has seven different alarm times, one for each day of the week. Also allows you to customize snooze time. $34.99

The Puzzle Alarm Clock, $52, available at BimBamBanana.com.